Hi,
My name is Cathy Dowdy, but I prefer to be called Cat because it sounds cooler. Not that Im that cool but I try to tweek it where I can, so lets start with the name thing. Besides, Cathy is such an old fashioned name and my mother actually didn't give it much thought when she named me Cathy Ann. The thing about names is that I tried to marry and get a cool last name but with each of the three divorces, I got stuck eventually with Dowdy. So now I go by Cat Dowdy. I think it kinda sounds western, like some gun-slinging gal back in the frontier days. Or it could sound like a saloon whore. I don't even like country western music so still not the perfect name. I would appreciate hearing what it sounds like to others.
Now that I cleared that up... I love my dog. She is a rottweiller which is really crazy because I before I got her, I was scared of big mean looking dogs. Did you know that the rottweiller is second on the list of dogs that have killed humans. Pit Bulls are the first. If my homeowners insurer knew that I had her, they would cancel my policy. Mums the word!! okay?? Anyway, her name is Rogue. She is not a rogue at all but I was trying to pick a name that I liked and I thought to myself, I always like the rogue in my romance novels. She is a loyal dog and loves to take me for walks, literally. She is about 130 pounds so far... but I had her fixed so she will probably get bigger. That sitting on my lap thing is going to be painful.
I have lived with my boyfriend for the past eleven years. But it feels like 30 years. I do not want to get married to him. I don't have anything against marriage but I don't think it would mean much at this point for us to do that. I also have a 15 year old son at home which is alot of fun and headaches. Boys are so cute at that age, aren't they?? My son can be very moody at times especially about the latest girl. He falls in and out of love so fast that it can't possibly be real. But he assures me it feels real. I wonder what that feels like?
My Dad died a couple of weeks ago, well my step-dad, and it just makes me think about my real dad alot lately. Oh God how I wanted to be daddy's little girl but that never did and never will happen. I don't think my real Dad likes me and I don't know why because I love him very much. I was with my real Dad until I was about two then my parents divorced. I had visitation with him up until I was about sixteen then he just didn't want to see me anymore. It was weird. Loved one day then not the next. Sometimes at night I lay there in bed and wonder what I did to make him stop. He never had to pay child support and only sent me 20 or 40 dollars once in awhile for school clothes, so I know I wasn't a financial burden. Once when I was a single mother of two, my water heater broke and he sent my $200 that he said I could either use to fix the water heater or to come see him.. Of course I fixed the water heater and that may have been when he stopped loving me. Hard to know. Obviously I have issues with the whole daddy thing so maybe I will explore this later with some righteous anger. My mother, while she loves me and has been a good mother most of her life, is a very hard person to love. I think the mother thing should wait for later too as I have lots to say about that.
I also have two grown daughters who are awesome. Well they're still growing but I have great hope that they will get to places in their lives that will make them and me happy.
I have been working very hard lately on my own business of manufacturing calcium for birds. The orders for my product have been very steady lately but I'm getting to the point where I need a vacation from the labor. A couple days at the beach, drinking anything sweet with liquer, watching the people go by and expected to do nothing and not answer any damn stupid questions or think about whats for dinner.
I hope there is more to life than this and I hope that I can bring my dog.
Lying on the beach in my mind.
cathy